Am I Deserving Of This? Please Help Me Understand, I Beg You

This is a long rant, I am sorry if it doesn't make sense... I am so broken, please forgive me... and please if someone will help me understand if I am wrong, or if kindness should be possible maybe... and I want to note, I am happy to be drained and worn down after taking … Continue reading Am I Deserving Of This? Please Help Me Understand, I Beg You

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Personal Post- Well, Part 1 Caregiving With My Mental Illnesses & A Fears…

While I have zero doubts in my mind that taking care of the woman who raised me, my biological grandmother but she is more mom than that; and I have no doubt that as her daughter it is the very least I can do to be here for her. I am so glad she is … Continue reading Personal Post- Well, Part 1 Caregiving With My Mental Illnesses & A Fears…

Boundaries…Update

As I stated in a recent post about boundaries, I am not very good with them. I do not understand, but in that post, I made plans to try and create boundaries that I actually kept. I failed, greatly. It put me in a position to where I have even more opportunity to either stand … Continue reading Boundaries…Update

“Staring At The World Through My Rearview….

Lately I find myself looking to the past, more and more. I don’t write this to seek anything from any one who may read this; I’m not after pity or trying to say ‘woe is me’. I write this with no other reason than to have it said and hopefully this will grant me the … Continue reading “Staring At The World Through My Rearview….

My Self Worth & Value Depends On Inanimate Objects; Any Thoughts On What This Means?

I do not know if it is trauma related, bpd or some other mental illness related behavior; but I think it's time I open up about something I am ashamed of, yet at this moment know to be solid truth. First, let me state; I am not a particularly materialistic person. However, I have always … Continue reading My Self Worth & Value Depends On Inanimate Objects; Any Thoughts On What This Means?

The More It Makes Sense- Suicide & Loss

Octopath Traveller Nothing has made sense for a long time; I have so many things to express, so many things which are drowning me… but I cannot find the words. I believe my mental health is making me physically ill, as a side note, thus I slept a lot lately. Even now I write this … Continue reading The More It Makes Sense- Suicide & Loss

Is It I’m Going Too Slow, Doing Too Much, Or Perhaps I’m Doing Suspended In Nothingness?

I am very angry at myself over this. Any feedback would be very much appreciated, if anyone relates or if anyone has advice, either comments, tumblr, email... Please... let me know if I am being weak? Is THIS The Problem? Since I was 14 I have been devoted to nothing but fighting racism in the … Continue reading Is It I’m Going Too Slow, Doing Too Much, Or Perhaps I’m Doing Suspended In Nothingness?

Introduction- A Death Wish; Nice Long Trial of Suicide Posts.

I am ready to die. But I know it is not my time; I am here, I have knowledge and I think it may one day, I hope, help others. I am not looking for attention. I truly hope to help. So until the day that I cannot take the hurt, abandonment, misunderstandings of how … Continue reading Introduction- A Death Wish; Nice Long Trial of Suicide Posts.

The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill

BETRAYED! I FEEL RAGE, I FEEL HATE, AND I FEEL IT BECAUSE I AM SCARED SHITLESS, BECAUSE A PROMISE OF SAFETY WAS BROKEN WHEN I WAS TOLD IF I COULD NOT HANDLE SOMETHING YOU WOULD MAKE SURE IT DID NOT HAPPEN AND THEN YOU DID LET IT HAPPEN WHILE NOT ASKING ONCE IF I WAS … Continue reading The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill