Personal Post- Well, Part 1 Caregiving With My Mental Illnesses & A Fears…

While I have zero doubts in my mind that taking care of the woman who raised me, my biological grandmother but she is more mom than that; and I have no doubt that as her daughter it is the very least I can do to be here for her. I am so glad she is … Continue reading Personal Post- Well, Part 1 Caregiving With My Mental Illnesses & A Fears…

Boundaries…Update

As I stated in a recent post about boundaries, I am not very good with them. I do not understand, but in that post, I made plans to try and create boundaries that I actually kept. I failed, greatly. It put me in a position to where I have even more opportunity to either stand … Continue reading Boundaries…Update

“Staring At The World Through My Rearview….

Lately I find myself looking to the past, more and more. I don’t write this to seek anything from any one who may read this; I’m not after pity or trying to say ‘woe is me’. I write this with no other reason than to have it said and hopefully this will grant me the … Continue reading “Staring At The World Through My Rearview….

The More It Makes Sense- Suicide & Loss

Octopath Traveller Nothing has made sense for a long time; I have so many things to express, so many things which are drowning me… but I cannot find the words. I believe my mental health is making me physically ill, as a side note, thus I slept a lot lately. Even now I write this … Continue reading The More It Makes Sense- Suicide & Loss

Is It I’m Going Too Slow, Doing Too Much, Or Perhaps I’m Doing Suspended In Nothingness?

I am very angry at myself over this. Any feedback would be very much appreciated, if anyone relates or if anyone has advice, either comments, tumblr, email... Please... let me know if I am being weak? Is THIS The Problem? Since I was 14 I have been devoted to nothing but fighting racism in the … Continue reading Is It I’m Going Too Slow, Doing Too Much, Or Perhaps I’m Doing Suspended In Nothingness?

Introduction- A Death Wish; Nice Long Trial of Suicide Posts.

I am ready to die. But I know it is not my time; I am here, I have knowledge and I think it may one day, I hope, help others. I am not looking for attention. I truly hope to help. So until the day that I cannot take the hurt, abandonment, misunderstandings of how … Continue reading Introduction- A Death Wish; Nice Long Trial of Suicide Posts.

The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill

BETRAYED! I FEEL RAGE, I FEEL HATE, AND I FEEL IT BECAUSE I AM SCARED SHITLESS, BECAUSE A PROMISE OF SAFETY WAS BROKEN WHEN I WAS TOLD IF I COULD NOT HANDLE SOMETHING YOU WOULD MAKE SURE IT DID NOT HAPPEN AND THEN YOU DID LET IT HAPPEN WHILE NOT ASKING ONCE IF I WAS … Continue reading The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill

Just a Rambling of Words

My Mind This is not a cry for help or a plea for attention. I just need to write words into the abyss beyond the 'publish' button, knowing perhaps I am not totally voiceless. Voiceless in my own pain, my own torment; that which is my mental illnesses. Mental illness is to sum up what … Continue reading Just a Rambling of Words

Attempting To Create & Enforce Boundaries, Or A Boundary…

Boundaries. I struggle greatly with this damn concept. What is, or is not, too much for me to expect of others, or for me to expect them to respect in regards to what I feel? I was raised without anyone speaking of boundaries that I recall, being BPD and having dissociation that leaves me as … Continue reading Attempting To Create & Enforce Boundaries, Or A Boundary…

Consumed & Forgotten

Part of my Borderline is I begin to cease to exist when I am unseen, in particular. I don't need to have an on going conversation with the person on the other end of the camera, in fact, it's usually best if we just do our own thing. Ideally, random sharing of whatever each of … Continue reading Consumed & Forgotten