Category: My Methods of Coping

Personal Post- Well, Part 1 Caregiving With My Mental Illnesses & A Fears…

While I have zero doubts in my mind that taking care of the woman who raised me, my biological grandmother but she is more mom than that; and I have no doubt that as her daughter it is the very least I can do to be here for her. I am so glad she is … Continue reading Personal Post- Well, Part 1 Caregiving With My Mental Illnesses & A Fears…

Boundaries…Update

As I stated in a recent post about boundaries, I am not very good with them. I do not understand, but in that post, I made plans to try and create boundaries that I actually kept. I failed, greatly. It put me in a position to where I have even more opportunity to either stand … Continue reading Boundaries…Update

“Staring At The World Through My Rearview….

Lately I find myself looking to the past, more and more. I don’t write this to seek anything from any one who may read this; I’m not after pity or trying to say ‘woe is me’. I write this with no other reason than to have it said and hopefully this will grant me the … Continue reading “Staring At The World Through My Rearview….

My Self Worth & Value Depends On Inanimate Objects; Any Thoughts On What This Means?

I do not know if it is trauma related, bpd or some other mental illness related behavior; but I think it's time I open up about something I am ashamed of, yet at this moment know to be solid truth. First, let me state; I am not a particularly materialistic person. However, I have always … Continue reading My Self Worth & Value Depends On Inanimate Objects; Any Thoughts On What This Means?

The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill

BETRAYED! I FEEL RAGE, I FEEL HATE, AND I FEEL IT BECAUSE I AM SCARED SHITLESS, BECAUSE A PROMISE OF SAFETY WAS BROKEN WHEN I WAS TOLD IF I COULD NOT HANDLE SOMETHING YOU WOULD MAKE SURE IT DID NOT HAPPEN AND THEN YOU DID LET IT HAPPEN WHILE NOT ASKING ONCE IF I WAS … Continue reading The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill

Just a Rambling of Words

My Mind This is not a cry for help or a plea for attention. I just need to write words into the abyss beyond the 'publish' button, knowing perhaps I am not totally voiceless. Voiceless in my own pain, my own torment; that which is my mental illnesses. Mental illness is to sum up what … Continue reading Just a Rambling of Words

Let Me Escape Into Fantasy and Video Games

-Octopath Traveler, screenshot by..me 😐 (my apologies for the length of my below rant...) And that text defines so very much how I feel tonight... I hope you guys won't mind, but I'm going to talk about my escape, in probably too much detail, but...as I explain further down, I am conflicted within myself over … Continue reading Let Me Escape Into Fantasy and Video Games

Attempting To Create & Enforce Boundaries, Or A Boundary…

Boundaries. I struggle greatly with this damn concept. What is, or is not, too much for me to expect of others, or for me to expect them to respect in regards to what I feel? I was raised without anyone speaking of boundaries that I recall, being BPD and having dissociation that leaves me as … Continue reading Attempting To Create & Enforce Boundaries, Or A Boundary…

Consumed & Forgotten

Part of my Borderline is I begin to cease to exist when I am unseen, in particular. I don't need to have an on going conversation with the person on the other end of the camera, in fact, it's usually best if we just do our own thing. Ideally, random sharing of whatever each of … Continue reading Consumed & Forgotten