Category: Personal Rant

Personal Post- Well, Part 1 Caregiving With My Mental Illnesses & A Fears…

While I have zero doubts in my mind that taking care of the woman who raised me, my biological grandmother but she is more mom than that; and I have no doubt that as her daughter it is the very least I can do to be here for her. I am so glad she is … Continue reading Personal Post- Well, Part 1 Caregiving With My Mental Illnesses & A Fears…

Boundaries…Update

As I stated in a recent post about boundaries, I am not very good with them. I do not understand, but in that post, I made plans to try and create boundaries that I actually kept. I failed, greatly. It put me in a position to where I have even more opportunity to either stand … Continue reading Boundaries…Update

“Staring At The World Through My Rearview….

Lately I find myself looking to the past, more and more. I don’t write this to seek anything from any one who may read this; I’m not after pity or trying to say ‘woe is me’. I write this with no other reason than to have it said and hopefully this will grant me the … Continue reading “Staring At The World Through My Rearview….

My Self Worth & Value Depends On Inanimate Objects; Any Thoughts On What This Means?

I do not know if it is trauma related, bpd or some other mental illness related behavior; but I think it's time I open up about something I am ashamed of, yet at this moment know to be solid truth. First, let me state; I am not a particularly materialistic person. However, I have always … Continue reading My Self Worth & Value Depends On Inanimate Objects; Any Thoughts On What This Means?

The More It Makes Sense- Suicide & Loss

Octopath Traveller Nothing has made sense for a long time; I have so many things to express, so many things which are drowning me… but I cannot find the words. I believe my mental health is making me physically ill, as a side note, thus I slept a lot lately. Even now I write this … Continue reading The More It Makes Sense- Suicide & Loss

Is It I’m Going Too Slow, Doing Too Much, Or Perhaps I’m Doing Suspended In Nothingness?

I am very angry at myself over this. Any feedback would be very much appreciated, if anyone relates or if anyone has advice, either comments, tumblr, email... Please... let me know if I am being weak? Is THIS The Problem? Since I was 14 I have been devoted to nothing but fighting racism in the … Continue reading Is It I’m Going Too Slow, Doing Too Much, Or Perhaps I’m Doing Suspended In Nothingness?

The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill

BETRAYED! I FEEL RAGE, I FEEL HATE, AND I FEEL IT BECAUSE I AM SCARED SHITLESS, BECAUSE A PROMISE OF SAFETY WAS BROKEN WHEN I WAS TOLD IF I COULD NOT HANDLE SOMETHING YOU WOULD MAKE SURE IT DID NOT HAPPEN AND THEN YOU DID LET IT HAPPEN WHILE NOT ASKING ONCE IF I WAS … Continue reading The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill

Just a Rambling of Words

My Mind This is not a cry for help or a plea for attention. I just need to write words into the abyss beyond the 'publish' button, knowing perhaps I am not totally voiceless. Voiceless in my own pain, my own torment; that which is my mental illnesses. Mental illness is to sum up what … Continue reading Just a Rambling of Words

Let Me Escape Into Fantasy and Video Games

-Octopath Traveler, screenshot by..me 😐 (my apologies for the length of my below rant...) And that text defines so very much how I feel tonight... I hope you guys won't mind, but I'm going to talk about my escape, in probably too much detail, but...as I explain further down, I am conflicted within myself over … Continue reading Let Me Escape Into Fantasy and Video Games