The More It Makes Sense- Suicide & Loss

Octopath Traveller Nothing has made sense for a long time; I have so many things to express, so many things which are drowning me… but I cannot find the words. I believe my mental health is making me physically ill, as a side note, thus I slept a lot lately. Even now I write this … Continue reading The More It Makes Sense- Suicide & Loss

The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill

BETRAYED! I FEEL RAGE, I FEEL HATE, AND I FEEL IT BECAUSE I AM SCARED SHITLESS, BECAUSE A PROMISE OF SAFETY WAS BROKEN WHEN I WAS TOLD IF I COULD NOT HANDLE SOMETHING YOU WOULD MAKE SURE IT DID NOT HAPPEN AND THEN YOU DID LET IT HAPPEN WHILE NOT ASKING ONCE IF I WAS … Continue reading The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill

Consumed & Forgotten

Part of my Borderline is I begin to cease to exist when I am unseen, in particular. I don't need to have an on going conversation with the person on the other end of the camera, in fact, it's usually best if we just do our own thing. Ideally, random sharing of whatever each of … Continue reading Consumed & Forgotten

Maybe I’m Learning Boundaries? Or … What Is This?

My chest is heavy. As an update, I recently was put in a psychiatric hospital. After release, I came back to the home where I see my mom of almost 84 years doing poorly. Her sister is here, too. She likes to judge; I am an easy target to judge incorrectly, I think that makes … Continue reading Maybe I’m Learning Boundaries? Or … What Is This?

Are You Broken and/or Judged on Your Past, Too? Here’s My Plan. You’re not alone.

Nor are you necessarily "bad"- changing behaviors, appreciated or not, acknowledged or not, doing your best, but getting nothing but shit all still means you are trying and that is a hell of a lot more than most people can say. With that said, don't be so quick to blame yourself. Words are beautiful; especially … Continue reading Are You Broken and/or Judged on Your Past, Too? Here’s My Plan. You’re not alone.

The Curse of The Past & Future

Dr. Fox talks about one big challenge for borderlines (and I suppose any severe mental illness) is when we make progress and step forward, those around us push us down. Expecting the same thing as before, they give nothing positive and cry out in a manner that is trying to predict the future; a future … Continue reading The Curse of The Past & Future

Advice For Those Working With/Helping BPD

Borderlines are misunderstood and incorrectly judged by stereotypes made by false information, or the attention the dramatic, manipulative, abusive BPD's get. Once a doctor learns the subtype that is dominant in their patient, the most hurtful thing they can do with a patient trying their best is accuse them of being something they are not. … Continue reading Advice For Those Working With/Helping BPD

Stable and Unstable Support; I Feel Guilty For Even Wishing I Had it, So This is a Vent Post I Suppose

I apologize for my delay in writing recently. I felt guilty for trying to express myself to an invisible audience, one which I hope my insane posts may reach and help in any way even if it is just to help others know you do not struggle alone. It prompted my writing (or beginning to … Continue reading Stable and Unstable Support; I Feel Guilty For Even Wishing I Had it, So This is a Vent Post I Suppose

Sad, but Anger Protects Me: A Post on Relationships and the Myth of Mental Illness and Lack of Intelligence

I think it is amazing that people can "accept" (as much as they can) that I have issues controlling my anger when I am hurt; yet, when things are hard for them, my mental health is supposed to magically get better and my reactive behaviors of course are supposed to cease. I am very well … Continue reading Sad, but Anger Protects Me: A Post on Relationships and the Myth of Mental Illness and Lack of Intelligence

Always to be an Orphan… Unnoticed

A rant written on my iPhone in the emergency room a few days ago, while waiting to learn how the woman I view as a mother was going to fair. There are other "parental" emotions and such involved but I won't go into those details. I am simply posting this because I hope it will serve the purpose of … Continue reading Always to be an Orphan… Unnoticed