I am ready to die. But I know it is not my time; I am here, I have knowledge and I think it may one day, I hope, help others. I am not looking for attention. I truly hope to help. So until the day that I cannot take the hurt, abandonment, misunderstandings of how … Continue reading Introduction- A Death Wish; Nice Long Trial of Suicide Posts.
Category: Scared
The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill
BETRAYED! I FEEL RAGE, I FEEL HATE, AND I FEEL IT BECAUSE I AM SCARED SHITLESS, BECAUSE A PROMISE OF SAFETY WAS BROKEN WHEN I WAS TOLD IF I COULD NOT HANDLE SOMETHING YOU WOULD MAKE SURE IT DID NOT HAPPEN AND THEN YOU DID LET IT HAPPEN WHILE NOT ASKING ONCE IF I WAS … Continue reading The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill
Just a Rambling of Words
My Mind This is not a cry for help or a plea for attention. I just need to write words into the abyss beyond the 'publish' button, knowing perhaps I am not totally voiceless. Voiceless in my own pain, my own torment; that which is my mental illnesses. Mental illness is to sum up what … Continue reading Just a Rambling of Words
Today’s My Birthday- Why I’m Crying
Today is my birthday. I have always loathed my birthday and not because of age as I don’t feel different. To me, my birthday is a complicated reminder of being unwanted, forgotten or of being unknown. I hope this doesn’t sound selfish. If it is, then let me start by saying, I honestly do not … Continue reading Today’s My Birthday- Why I’m Crying
Advice For Those Working With/Helping BPD
Borderlines are misunderstood and incorrectly judged by stereotypes made by false information, or the attention the dramatic, manipulative, abusive BPD's get. Once a doctor learns the subtype that is dominant in their patient, the most hurtful thing they can do with a patient trying their best is accuse them of being something they are not. … Continue reading Advice For Those Working With/Helping BPD
I’m Terrified, So I’ll Just Text You… So You Know -BPD Story Time
I'm going to call this an "impulse post" because I'm going to write this instead of being impulsive and doing things that I've noticed over the years a) most others don't do or understand and b) it tends to cause more problems than what it is worth. What am I talking about? So! Let's back … Continue reading I’m Terrified, So I’ll Just Text You… So You Know -BPD Story Time
BPD “Anger” – It’s A Protective Mask; But Who Remembers That?
One of the hardest things for me to live with is my inability to turn my defenses off except under certain circumstances; i.e., my being alone for a period of time. Off and on people come and go and may understand that when I say I need to be alone, I mean, I need to be … Continue reading BPD “Anger” – It’s A Protective Mask; But Who Remembers That?
Stable and Unstable Support; I Feel Guilty For Even Wishing I Had it, So This is a Vent Post I Suppose
I apologize for my delay in writing recently. I felt guilty for trying to express myself to an invisible audience, one which I hope my insane posts may reach and help in any way even if it is just to help others know you do not struggle alone. It prompted my writing (or beginning to … Continue reading Stable and Unstable Support; I Feel Guilty For Even Wishing I Had it, So This is a Vent Post I Suppose
Sad, but Anger Protects Me: A Post on Relationships and the Myth of Mental Illness and Lack of Intelligence
I think it is amazing that people can "accept" (as much as they can) that I have issues controlling my anger when I am hurt; yet, when things are hard for them, my mental health is supposed to magically get better and my reactive behaviors of course are supposed to cease. I am very well … Continue reading Sad, but Anger Protects Me: A Post on Relationships and the Myth of Mental Illness and Lack of Intelligence
-Is It Paranoia?- A Message as I Wait At the Pharmacy
I know they are looking at me with judgmental eyes... I heard the disgust towards me in the tones of their voice, in their lack of greeting, and it is like a billion daggers straight into my soul. It. Hurts. I am ashamed. Not so much because I care what people think of me... I … Continue reading -Is It Paranoia?- A Message as I Wait At the Pharmacy
Just What the Doctor Ordered... 