Boundaries…Update

As I stated in a recent post about boundaries, I am not very good with them. I do not understand, but in that post, I made plans to try and create boundaries that I actually kept. I failed, greatly. It put me in a position to where I have even more opportunity to either stand … Continue reading Boundaries…Update

My Self Worth & Value Depends On Inanimate Objects; Any Thoughts On What This Means?

I do not know if it is trauma related, bpd or some other mental illness related behavior; but I think it's time I open up about something I am ashamed of, yet at this moment know to be solid truth. First, let me state; I am not a particularly materialistic person. However, I have always … Continue reading My Self Worth & Value Depends On Inanimate Objects; Any Thoughts On What This Means?

Is It I’m Going Too Slow, Doing Too Much, Or Perhaps I’m Doing Suspended In Nothingness?

I am very angry at myself over this. Any feedback would be very much appreciated, if anyone relates or if anyone has advice, either comments, tumblr, email... Please... let me know if I am being weak? Is THIS The Problem? Since I was 14 I have been devoted to nothing but fighting racism in the … Continue reading Is It I’m Going Too Slow, Doing Too Much, Or Perhaps I’m Doing Suspended In Nothingness?

The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill

BETRAYED! I FEEL RAGE, I FEEL HATE, AND I FEEL IT BECAUSE I AM SCARED SHITLESS, BECAUSE A PROMISE OF SAFETY WAS BROKEN WHEN I WAS TOLD IF I COULD NOT HANDLE SOMETHING YOU WOULD MAKE SURE IT DID NOT HAPPEN AND THEN YOU DID LET IT HAPPEN WHILE NOT ASKING ONCE IF I WAS … Continue reading The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill

Attempting To Create & Enforce Boundaries, Or A Boundary…

Boundaries. I struggle greatly with this damn concept. What is, or is not, too much for me to expect of others, or for me to expect them to respect in regards to what I feel? I was raised without anyone speaking of boundaries that I recall, being BPD and having dissociation that leaves me as … Continue reading Attempting To Create & Enforce Boundaries, Or A Boundary…

Consumed & Forgotten

Part of my Borderline is I begin to cease to exist when I am unseen, in particular. I don't need to have an on going conversation with the person on the other end of the camera, in fact, it's usually best if we just do our own thing. Ideally, random sharing of whatever each of … Continue reading Consumed & Forgotten

When/Why I Believe Half of My Fighting Spirit Died….

The other half is a bit more in depth and a hell of a lot longer in regards to post length so.... I just hope I can revive that part of myself. Fear guards me. Fear that stems from self hate, I believe. I want to go back to the days of being in a … Continue reading When/Why I Believe Half of My Fighting Spirit Died….

The Denial of Mental Illness(es) With Very Hurtful & Unrelated Thoughts

I often wonder how anyone would be ashamed of the scars left from self injury? I am proud of mine- work in progress since age 4 and while I am not a supporter of self harm, I would never suggest anyone engaging in it, it has sadly been a huge part of my life and … Continue reading The Denial of Mental Illness(es) With Very Hurtful & Unrelated Thoughts

Maybe I’m Learning Boundaries? Or … What Is This?

My chest is heavy. As an update, I recently was put in a psychiatric hospital. After release, I came back to the home where I see my mom of almost 84 years doing poorly. Her sister is here, too. She likes to judge; I am an easy target to judge incorrectly, I think that makes … Continue reading Maybe I’m Learning Boundaries? Or … What Is This?

Emotional Changes, Please Understand

I cannot say how many 'friends' I have lost, how many people I have let down nor how many times I've let myself down because of the above quote. This is one of the most embarrassing and frustrating it is to not be able to maintain a consistent state of mind. My emotions can change … Continue reading Emotional Changes, Please Understand