Octopath Traveller Nothing has made sense for a long time; I have so many things to express, so many things which are drowning me… but I cannot find the words. I believe my mental health is making me physically ill, as a side note, thus I slept a lot lately. Even now I write this … Continue reading The More It Makes Sense- Suicide & Loss
Tag: Relationships
The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill
BETRAYED! I FEEL RAGE, I FEEL HATE, AND I FEEL IT BECAUSE I AM SCARED SHITLESS, BECAUSE A PROMISE OF SAFETY WAS BROKEN WHEN I WAS TOLD IF I COULD NOT HANDLE SOMETHING YOU WOULD MAKE SURE IT DID NOT HAPPEN AND THEN YOU DID LET IT HAPPEN WHILE NOT ASKING ONCE IF I WAS … Continue reading The INVISIBLE and IGNORED- I’m The Misunderstood, Severely Traumatized, Mentally Ill
Attempting To Create & Enforce Boundaries, Or A Boundary…
Boundaries. I struggle greatly with this damn concept. What is, or is not, too much for me to expect of others, or for me to expect them to respect in regards to what I feel? I was raised without anyone speaking of boundaries that I recall, being BPD and having dissociation that leaves me as … Continue reading Attempting To Create & Enforce Boundaries, Or A Boundary…
Maybe I’m Learning Boundaries? Or … What Is This?
My chest is heavy. As an update, I recently was put in a psychiatric hospital. After release, I came back to the home where I see my mom of almost 84 years doing poorly. Her sister is here, too. She likes to judge; I am an easy target to judge incorrectly, I think that makes … Continue reading Maybe I’m Learning Boundaries? Or … What Is This?
The Curse of The Past & Future
Dr. Fox talks about one big challenge for borderlines (and I suppose any severe mental illness) is when we make progress and step forward, those around us push us down. Expecting the same thing as before, they give nothing positive and cry out in a manner that is trying to predict the future; a future … Continue reading The Curse of The Past & Future
I’m Terrified, So I’ll Just Text You… So You Know -BPD Story Time
I'm going to call this an "impulse post" because I'm going to write this instead of being impulsive and doing things that I've noticed over the years a) most others don't do or understand and b) it tends to cause more problems than what it is worth. What am I talking about? So! Let's back … Continue reading I’m Terrified, So I’ll Just Text You… So You Know -BPD Story Time
Day 1 – Quick Look at Differences At My First Ketamine Infusion
I’ve read some people talking about how Ketamine infusion impacted them in some weird ways, so I just thought I’d share what happened with me. I'll write out my full experience in the future, but right now there are some things I've noticed different that I feel are good changes. Since I had my infusion, … Continue reading Day 1 – Quick Look at Differences At My First Ketamine Infusion
BPD “Anger” – It’s A Protective Mask; But Who Remembers That?
One of the hardest things for me to live with is my inability to turn my defenses off except under certain circumstances; i.e., my being alone for a period of time. Off and on people come and go and may understand that when I say I need to be alone, I mean, I need to be … Continue reading BPD “Anger” – It’s A Protective Mask; But Who Remembers That?
Stable and Unstable Support; I Feel Guilty For Even Wishing I Had it, So This is a Vent Post I Suppose
I apologize for my delay in writing recently. I felt guilty for trying to express myself to an invisible audience, one which I hope my insane posts may reach and help in any way even if it is just to help others know you do not struggle alone. It prompted my writing (or beginning to … Continue reading Stable and Unstable Support; I Feel Guilty For Even Wishing I Had it, So This is a Vent Post I Suppose
Sad, but Anger Protects Me: A Post on Relationships and the Myth of Mental Illness and Lack of Intelligence
I think it is amazing that people can "accept" (as much as they can) that I have issues controlling my anger when I am hurt; yet, when things are hard for them, my mental health is supposed to magically get better and my reactive behaviors of course are supposed to cease. I am very well … Continue reading Sad, but Anger Protects Me: A Post on Relationships and the Myth of Mental Illness and Lack of Intelligence
Just What the Doctor Ordered... 